just rambling and oversharing


I told you, I have a problem when it comes to following up. Maybe that is why I haven't amount to much ever since I graduated college...but this is not about putting myself down. I don't want it to be about that. I  want to start blogging regularly because I like to write and I am an oversharer (not sure if that is a word.) I also truly believe that by putting my struggles out into the universe, I will receive the help I need. It may not come to me as a solution, but sometimes, even just getting a message from a stranger or an acquaintance  thanking me for sharing and telling me that they feel less alone in their struggle has helped a ton. Figuring life out can be really difficult, even those who seem to have it all together will probably tell you that they are struggling too and sometimes faking it. I am searching for the type of person and artist I want to be, I feel like some days I get a glimpse of that person but lately, I am mostly just confused and scared - and that's no way to live. I want to work on projects that will empower, inspire, and motivate me and others to always keep going, even when we don't know where we're going. I need a creative outlet that will allow me to put my thoughts into some kind of order, maybe then I will be able to actually come up with a plan to achieve my goals. The other day I told my mom that at 25 years old, I felt old and like a failure. And once she asked "really?" with a sad tone, I heard how unfair I was being towards myself. I am not old, and I haven't really failed yet because my career hasn't really started. Yes, it's been three years since college and I have applied to more jobs than I care to count and been rejected from almost all of them. Yes, I have worked shitty jobs that led me down a path of depression and hopelessness. Yes, I have only booked about three things and they were all small. BUT somehow I have managed to still keep going, to look inwards and find motivation even on those days when I couldn't get out of my bed.

So, maybe I should begin to blog and write out my thoughts, finally go through with something without the fear of failing. I think I always wanted to do things for the result, but...

And so I will focus on the journey, on learning as I go, on finding what makes me happy and what will benefit me in the long term,

Getting back on the bull

(So apparently the correct phrase is Getting back on the horse, I just googled it. But I'm just going to leave it the way that I wrote it, I like how it sounds. Bulls are also more dangerous.) It has been a while since I've written something that was meant to be read by someone else's eyes other than my own, something that was meant to be published instead of just staying inside the pages of my moleskin (or that $1.99 notebook from Target, which I enthusiastically recommend.) And the main reason for that is that I am lazy, unmotivated, and that I probably experienced a quarter-life crisis as well.

Following through is not my forte. Having to do something on a regular basis is surprisingly difficult, and even though I loved blogging, I kind of just dropped the ball and stopped writing posts. I didn't necessarily feel like I had anything good enough to say, an interesting point of view, or even the writing skills that were required to be a good blogger.

But I'm trying to change that. I'm taking things one day at a time. I'm trying to enjoy every second. I'm basically going to listen to every cheesy inspirational quote that has ever been written.

And how will I start?

Well, first by actually setting up goals for myself - short and long term. And the first one is to find creative outlets that will continuously motivate me and inspire me. One of them being blogging.

And what will I blog about this time around?

Probably just my experiences and my life and my thoughts and anything that interests me. Sometimes they will be long posts, sometimes very short. The point is that I will publish something on a regular basis.

Here's to actually following through and stuff.