just rambling and oversharing


I told you, I have a problem when it comes to following up. Maybe that is why I haven't amount to much ever since I graduated college...but this is not about putting myself down. I don't want it to be about that. I  want to start blogging regularly because I like to write and I am an oversharer (not sure if that is a word.) I also truly believe that by putting my struggles out into the universe, I will receive the help I need. It may not come to me as a solution, but sometimes, even just getting a message from a stranger or an acquaintance  thanking me for sharing and telling me that they feel less alone in their struggle has helped a ton. Figuring life out can be really difficult, even those who seem to have it all together will probably tell you that they are struggling too and sometimes faking it. I am searching for the type of person and artist I want to be, I feel like some days I get a glimpse of that person but lately, I am mostly just confused and scared - and that's no way to live. I want to work on projects that will empower, inspire, and motivate me and others to always keep going, even when we don't know where we're going. I need a creative outlet that will allow me to put my thoughts into some kind of order, maybe then I will be able to actually come up with a plan to achieve my goals. The other day I told my mom that at 25 years old, I felt old and like a failure. And once she asked "really?" with a sad tone, I heard how unfair I was being towards myself. I am not old, and I haven't really failed yet because my career hasn't really started. Yes, it's been three years since college and I have applied to more jobs than I care to count and been rejected from almost all of them. Yes, I have worked shitty jobs that led me down a path of depression and hopelessness. Yes, I have only booked about three things and they were all small. BUT somehow I have managed to still keep going, to look inwards and find motivation even on those days when I couldn't get out of my bed.

So, maybe I should begin to blog and write out my thoughts, finally go through with something without the fear of failing. I think I always wanted to do things for the result, but...

And so I will focus on the journey, on learning as I go, on finding what makes me happy and what will benefit me in the long term,



Probably yes. Will that stop me? Probably not. I decided to start blogging again because I need another creative, one that stimulates different parts of my brain. But I haven't published any new posts because the ones that I've been working on seem a bit too private. I kind of feel like if I post them, no one will read them or someone will reply with a TMI.

And I most certainly wouldn't want that. I am not trying to make anyone uncomfortable or share more than I should. But doesn't the saying go: Write what you know? So then, shouldn't I rely on my experiences in order to write new blog posts? That seems like the obvious idea. Then again, some people would advise against sharing too much personal information on the internet since anyone can find them - specially potential employers. I am currently on that job hunt so I should probably keep that in mind.

And yet... I apologize for all the back and forth, by the way. I guess I am trying to work through this as I write this entry - no one said I would always have thought out arguments. Going back to the main question: is there such a thing as oversharing? I think so and at the same time, I think it is completely valid to choose to share as much as you want to - even on the internet. 

Some people share a lot of their personal experiences, their life, their feelings, the people who have influenced them, their nasty breakups, their failures, their successes. And they do it in public spaces, on public platforms, and they are usually praised for it. I mean, just  look at all of the memoirs and autobiographical books that are so popular nowadays - Bossypants by Tine Fey, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling and even Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl.

I read those books and learned a lot, I felt inspired and motivated to also share some of the stuff I have gone through. I may not be as good of a writer as these other women, or as witty and funny. But I think everyone's point of view and perspective is unique and valid, so why not share my view of the world with those of you willing souls who are open to read my posts?

I guess what I am saying is to get ready for some posts that might reveal too much about my life, but nothing will be arbitrary. I promise.