just rambling and oversharing


I told you, I have a problem when it comes to following up. Maybe that is why I haven't amount to much ever since I graduated college...but this is not about putting myself down. I don't want it to be about that. I  want to start blogging regularly because I like to write and I am an oversharer (not sure if that is a word.) I also truly believe that by putting my struggles out into the universe, I will receive the help I need. It may not come to me as a solution, but sometimes, even just getting a message from a stranger or an acquaintance  thanking me for sharing and telling me that they feel less alone in their struggle has helped a ton. Figuring life out can be really difficult, even those who seem to have it all together will probably tell you that they are struggling too and sometimes faking it. I am searching for the type of person and artist I want to be, I feel like some days I get a glimpse of that person but lately, I am mostly just confused and scared - and that's no way to live. I want to work on projects that will empower, inspire, and motivate me and others to always keep going, even when we don't know where we're going. I need a creative outlet that will allow me to put my thoughts into some kind of order, maybe then I will be able to actually come up with a plan to achieve my goals. The other day I told my mom that at 25 years old, I felt old and like a failure. And once she asked "really?" with a sad tone, I heard how unfair I was being towards myself. I am not old, and I haven't really failed yet because my career hasn't really started. Yes, it's been three years since college and I have applied to more jobs than I care to count and been rejected from almost all of them. Yes, I have worked shitty jobs that led me down a path of depression and hopelessness. Yes, I have only booked about three things and they were all small. BUT somehow I have managed to still keep going, to look inwards and find motivation even on those days when I couldn't get out of my bed.

So, maybe I should begin to blog and write out my thoughts, finally go through with something without the fear of failing. I think I always wanted to do things for the result, but...

And so I will focus on the journey, on learning as I go, on finding what makes me happy and what will benefit me in the long term,