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just rambling and oversharing

I'm struggling 

I'm not in a great state of mind. I'm really not. The country is turning into shit. My life is shit. And I'm just so tired and sad. I'm at a point where I can't even feel happy for my friends' achievements. I don't envy them, I just feel shittier about myself. And it's not just that, I'm also truly afraid of what's going on in the country right now. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to my friends and family who are not in this country legally. I'm afraid for the climate. I'm afraid for all the women and men who won't be insured anymore and for all those who will most likely die because of it. I'm afraid for them and for myself. And yes, I want to believe that we can fight it, but just the fact that such a piece of shit made it to the presidency shows just how racist, intolerant, ignorant and misogynistic at least half of this country is. If he were impeached, we'd just end up with a smarter piece of shit who'd probably be worse.

I never thought I'd get to live through something like this. When I was little, I thought the times of war, slavery and hate were far behind us. But sadly, I was mistaken. People are calling him the next Hitler. And how can anyone take that lightly? How?!

I don't know what life is going to look like in a year from now. Part of me wishes that in a year, I'll be in a better place professionally - on my way to pursuing my goals. But another part of me feels stupid for wanting to pursue an acting career when the country is in such a bad place, when my family could be deported, when the lives of so many others could be drastically affected for the worse.

I feel so tired and lost and confused and disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself for not being more optimistic, for not having the strength or the knowledge needed to fight. It's like all of my insecurities were suddenly amplified because not only have I not accomplished anything since college, now I'm also not able to stand up and fight for the well-being of this country.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this. I think I just got tired of reading on social media about every executive order that piece of shit keeps signing and how ridiculous they are, plus all of the comments from people who support him. And I just can't deal with it. Maybe I'm being dramatic and blowing things out of proportion... I really hope that's the case. Because a lot of things are starting to seem pointless from my point of view and I don't want that. That's no way to live. But not taking advantage of this one lifetime I get is also not an option.